No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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