my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
