I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
