My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
