she smelled like a LAN party
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
