he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
