Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am one with the molecules
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
