i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
