i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize