I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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