I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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