Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
