maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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