I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
