He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
