grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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