looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
