everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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