i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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