don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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