i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's never too late to be topless.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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