I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
