Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize