"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
pray to the hookup gods
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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