There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
