I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
