the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
