You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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