she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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