he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
