To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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