I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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