So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
