after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
