hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize