Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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