me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
