She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
