She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize