you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
