I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
