you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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