you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
