We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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