I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
