I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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