We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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