i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize