Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
