My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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