in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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