So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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