I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
