she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
