ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
