Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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