im holly from the hills drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
