I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
