he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
