nut hugger
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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