I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
