video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
