ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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