She is in my trunk
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
