biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
