There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
