Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
