I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
