I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want her autograph on my taint
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
