that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
