my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
