i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize