Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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