Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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