They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
