Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
