saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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