Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
