so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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