Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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